In My Wildest Dreams
Updated: Jul 25, 2021
In May I passed sixty and headed into the heady heights of sixty-one.
With a strong cup of coffee, I stared into my complicated face; a face with more crevices than the moon, and thought ...
I look more like my father than my mother and that’s with a shave… (LOL)
Thank the galaxies for long hair, hair dye, eyeliner, a nice husband, and candlelight. I could write a bigger list, move onto the artillery of underwire, the miracle of color, and the great illusion of chin lifting by smiling but instead I tossed away my hair removal cream, and dug out a poem.
Not that I see myself as a poet or write many but this one was inspired by a “Flames Zoom Workshop.”
Contemporary performance in your own home.
Fiona the director of Flames and Tricky Hat productions asked us to create a piece “in my wildest dreams” and this was mine…
In my wildest dreams is an old folk’s home where people are screaming to get in.
An old folk’s home with topless barmen, palm trees, fairy lights, and bespoke incontinence pads- with Febreze built-in.
The words “dear” will be banished along with microwave mash and plastic cups, instead, there’ll be cocktails, a good view, and real hash brownies.
In my wildest dreams, my fanny will not only be bejeweled but, tattooed with the following…
“I made men weak at the knees; some even paid for a sniff.
So treat me with kid gloves.
And don’t fucking clean me like a cooker top.”
In my wildest dreams growing old with be a blast,
With dancing, snogging, and denture cream that not only works but is free on the NHS.
In my wildest dreams growing old will be as celebrated as birth.
We will be heard and listened to, and asked how to make soup rather than “did your bowels mover”.
We’ll drink malt whiskey, wear red lipstick, and have lots of kittens to pat.
We’ll have so many visitors we’ll be turning them away.
“Why is the world so shit?” They’ll say “why didn’t we listen to you?”
And thanks to the Febreze in our knickers, no one will ever know that the squelch of a fart five hours ago was really way more than that…