Interviews With Authors: Pat Powers
Updated: Nov 22, 2018
My author today is Pat Powers a writer of humour, parody and erotica all in the one book, he has written over 40 novels.
Question 1:- Looks like we’re heading for a nuclear apocalypse how would you spend the final days?
I'd spending it drinking, smoking and eating lots of salty snacks, because alcohol is used to preserve meat, smoking is used to preserve meat, and salt is used to preserve meat … and the human body is made of meat. So it's my best shot at survival when you look at things objectively.
A whole new slant to survival- thank you!
Question 2:- When it comes to writing what are the excuses you use not to sit down and write?
Whatever comes to hand. My favorite is, “I need to promote my books!” which always turns out to involve looking at porn on the Internet, somehow. Some scientist should conduct a study on how that happens…
Now your bringing a whole new slant to promotion…
Question 3:- What teacher inspired you A):-laugh in the face of adversity, B) hide in the face of adversity c) or just how to spell it properly?
Oddly enough a math teacher who taught us how compound interest works. The teacher's union was debating taking out a loan for some purpose or other and somebody said, “We'll never pay it back, so go ahead and get the loan … they can bill us, but you can't get water from a stone.” And then the math teacher showed us how a loan company uses compound interest to get water from stones. I have no idea how compound interest works, but I know that corporations can use math to get water from stones. So I learned about fear in the face of adversity, because you really don't want to mess with anything with powers like that.
A new slant on maths…
Question 4:- What school friend inspired A) you to something bad, b) do something good and, c) give up on the human race (momentarily)
A friend in middle school named Victor David Richards (actual names changed to protect the guilty, but the initials are correct). Or V.D. Dick, as we all called him. He wanted to be a gynaecologist. He was so brave, and he understood marketing at such an early age. It left me willing to do marketing. Foolhardy, you betcha.
Like the name and like how you have linked brave and gynaecologist together.
Question 5:- Name three celebrities who get on your tits, wick or something similar?
A) Adam Carolla, alleged humorist. His act consists almost entirely of coming up with stupid ideas and then smiling winningly like a lovable idiot. It worked fine when I thought he was playing the role, but then he decided to start taking the stupid ideas seriously. Jeebus, that got tired fast.
B) Howard Stein annoys me. I was attracted to his interviews because he has no problem with doing raunchy, and he also treats people in the sex industry almost like human beings when he interviews them. But then one day he interviewed a not-overly-bright young nude model named Sandy Korn or something like that, and Stern and his associates took to calling her Sandy Buttkorn and trying to convince her she was fat. (She had a gorgeous figure, as you might expect from a nude model.) It was half an hour of nonstop bullying against a woman who had no intellectual defenses against such treatment, deliberate cruelty inflicted with no other purpose than to invite the audience to laugh at the woman suffering the intellectual equivalent of a gang beating. I've not been able to stand Howard Stern since.
C) Ajit Pai (head of the FCC). The man thinks he's cool, but he's a complete corporate tool. He's going to really fuck up the Internet, for his personal gain, and he thinks it's all a big joke. He's the Martin Shkreli of government.
Like your answer-which almost links us to the next question…
Question 6:- Pick the perfect method for torturing people who interrupt you when you are talking?
This question requires me to make two false assumptions about myself to answer it straight, so I'm not going to. I don't talk a lot (I write) and I don't mind being interrupted when I do talk, especially if the interruption is funny. I suppose the proper punishment might be something totally ego-crushing, like being President Trump's social media manager for a few days. Can you imagine the fun that must be? “But President Trump, I thought we agreed in our last talk no more drinking and twee ...” “Yes, that was a big meeting, a great meeting. Now go get me some more followers, kid.”
A torture to beat many…
Question 7:- What is the most useless, waste of space advice you have been given?
Do an outline before you write a story. I have found this gem in many, many places. It probably works for some people. But in id-driven writing, it makes absolutely no sense. You wanna try to impose rationality on a sex monkey with a keyboard? You are going in exactly the wrong direction. Also, let's give a mention to, “Write drunk, edit sober” from Ernest Hemingway. Drinking just makes me feel sleepy and tired. I need all my brain cells awake and working at near top capacity, using all ten percent of my brain, when I write. Bad idea, Ernest.
You answer touches a lot of my bases Pat-writer to writer that is.
Question 8:- You’re God for a day what changes would you make to this planet of ours?
In my book “The Adventures of Bondor Woman” (plug!) I have a (very) rough equivalent to Wonder Woman who has godlike powers. In the book, it's idly mentioned that Bondor Woman transformed all the world's nuclear weapons into bouquets of roses and all the world's biological weapon reserves into something equally harmless. I thought of having her utterly crush and humiliate any government leader who committed war and ethnic cleansing and other atrocities (looking at you, Myanmar and Saudi Arabia) thus making them stop and also preventing other government leaders from doing the same sort of thing, out of fear of her doing the same sort of thing to them. But it wasn't relevant to the story so I didn't go into it. In thinking about a sequel, I thought it would be nice to have Bondor Woman have the League of Goody Two Shoes (think Justice League) go after the source of most of the world's ills – the bankers who have created all the wealth inequality. It's an interesting intellectual problem – how would metahumans deal with the actual powers of the world, instead of “criminals” who have no political power? It would take something a lot more subtle than a fistfight, although I could probably work a few of those in.
Which leds us nicely onto the next question.
Question 9:- Ok now you are the devil for a day?
See previous answer. It's all a matter of viewpoint. One man's god is another man's devil.
Question10:- What sort of comedy do you find not funny?
Considering I write erotica, you'd think I would have a broad acceptance of most forms of humor … and I do. But I don't like excrement humor, everything from fart jokes to poo flinging. In fact, I recently read some of a humorous science fiction novel by another indie author which was a really good, funny story, well developed characters, fast moving plot, lots of fun playing with SF tropes, but it was literally covered in excrement jokes. The hero spends a great deal of time covered in vomit and poo, specifically. I just couldn't finish it, and I can't write an honest review of it without mentioning that it's disgusting. Which is a DAMN SHAME. It's like a beautifully built and decorated science fiction birthday cake all covered in vomit and poo. And on that lovely note, I'll end things.
Thank you fellow humourist for your thought provoking answers. I really enjoyed your slant on things and wish you all the best for 2018.
Find out more about Pat and his wealth of work on his Website
An Aussie 'chilling it' in Scotland